Heaven......

I've been really lucky in my life..... I lived a long time before I lost something that I loved.  The first time I experienced loss was my precious dog Brandywine.  I got her for Christmas when I was 8 years old and it was love at first sight.  We were inseparable and I loved that dog with every once of my heart.  She lived for 16 years - long time for dogs.  When she died, I had never in my life felt hurt like I did that day.  The days that followed were a fog and eventually I began to smile again and my heart rebounded slowly.

I had another long span of time before I experienced another loss.  The next one was my precious grandmother - NaNa.  She was the end all, be all of grandmothers.  She died in 1998 when I was 32 years old.  I will never forget the day I went to her house to check on her because she was so so sick.  I said, "NaNa, we need to take you to the hospital" and she fought me tooth and nail but eventually we went.  Deep down inside, she knew she would never come home again..... and of course, she was right.  From there she was placed in Hospice care and her next stop was heaven.  NaNa and I were very close and I honestly didn't know how I would live without her in it.  She had always been there - in every facet of my life.  I didn't do anything without thinking "what would NaNa do or think?"  I idolized that woman and everything she stood for.  My heart broke again and I found everything to be so incredible hard.  I missed her voice, I missed her soft Rosy cheeks, I missed her fried chicken, pound cake and chicken salad.  I missed her smell.  But luckily, she visited me in my dreams - often... and I was so grateful.  I could feel her presence when I needed her the most.  She was still with me each step of the way, just in a different way.  Its been a long time since she got her wings and I miss her as much today as I did the day she died.
 

Six years later - my world came to a crashing halt when my favorite person on the planet - Judy Baby passed away.  I literally couldn't breath..... I couldn't move and I couldn't stop crying.  He was my everything.... He and I had a unique relationship that everyone envied... No one understood how we could be so close.  I loved him with every ounce of my being and he loved me back.  He taught me unconditional love and because of him I am able to see the best in everything and everyone.  My heart will never heal from that loss.  Sometimes I worry that I haven't truly dealt with it - I can't delete his name from my cell phone - cant delete him from my D3 travel list - I drive by the house like a stalker...... yet I can't bear go to the cemetery and visit him.  I miss he and NaNa every....single...day..... and I still fight the urge to pick up the phone and call him when something wonderful happens or when I need an encouraging word. 

The point of all of this is that as we get older, death becomes part of your life.  recently I lost two very dear friends within two week....both to cancer...... My friend Diane - I met her when I was 18 years old at American Airlines.  We traveled together, laughed together and cried together.  She died of pancreatic cancer last month.  She had a smile that was so radiant and an energy that you noticed as soon as you walked in a room.  My friend and soccer husband Jon passed away from Brain cancer.  I helped Jon die too....and it made me think back to my NaNa when we helped her die...... I knew what was coming with Jon and I knew what signs to look for.... He and I spent a lot of time talking about his death and he gave me the ultimate compliment by asking me to write and delivery his eulogy.  I asked me to do it because he said I was the strongest person he knew and that I could deliver it without crying.  I thought he was crazy.... but a strange thing happened.... His funeral was in the same chapel as both of my grandparents... and as I waited for my turn to speak, I was nervous and worried... but then as I got up to go to the podium, my NaNa and Judy Baby took me by the arm and guided me up there and held me through it.  I could honestly feel their love and presence.. I spoke from my heart and found myself thinking I hope NaNa and Judy Baby are proud.... they were..... and I knew it.... Here is Jon's Eulogy....

Hi everyone,

What an honor it is to stand before you today to talk about the amazing life of Jon Nunley.  Jon and I talked a lot about this very day and when he asked me to speak at his funeral – I had some serious reservations.  In fact, I told him he was absolutely nuts.  He told me that I was the strongest person he knew and that I could get through it without tears.  Well…. I’m not so sure that is the case.  You will have to forgive me if I spring a leak…..However, as I look out at all of you, I feel an incredible sense of peace knowing that Jon is no longer in pain and is here with us and smiling.  I don’t know about you, but I can feel his warm embrace.

Finding the right words to use to talk about Jon and his legacy was no easy task.  He was such an amazing person and utterly unique.  In fact, Janette mentioned just the other day that Jon was one of a kind… And I think all of us in this room would agree with Janette…. Boy – Jon was one of a kind….

One of a kind son

One of a kind brother

One of a kind husband

One of a kind father

One of a kind Uncle

And one of a kind friend……..

I’ll never forget the first time I met Jon….It was about 9 years ago…. And little did I know at that moment in time the impact Jon would have on my life.  He sauntered up with this adorable red-headed boy to a gaggle of soccer moms (we were diligently working on our tans)  We all saw him coming and couldn’t help but think he had just parked his yacht at the pier and walked over.  He had his collar flipped up – his trademark sunglasses and then flashed this smile and innocently said – I noticed that you all were practicing – do you mind if my son kicks the ball around.  Well if you know anything about Jon, you know that long before he took that walk up to the gaggle of soccer moms that he made look so innocent– he had done his research.  It wouldn’t surprise me if he had been watching us for months – I can see him climbing a tree with binoculars to make sure that this was the right place for Colin.  Jon always did his research and nothing was by accident with him…. One of a kind…..

Over the years, Jon became my “soccer husband” – we laughed, we cried, we gossiped, we fought… but there wasn’t a day that went by that we didn’t talk on the phone at least twice a day.  We always had to talk about soccer practice or the last soccer game… who had a good game, who stepped up…. It was like our very own sports center!  Only no camera or lights, no sponsors and no commercials!  We also talked about more than soccer – we talked a lot about his family, his friends, his hopes and his dreams.  I will get to that in a few minutes.  But first I want to share one of my very favorite Jon stories. 

If any of you know about club soccer then you know that we hold try outs every July and usually the month of June is the month that you worry.  Worry who is leaving, who is staying, who isn’t going to be asked back… well it was during this time that Jon came up to me after practice and said, “Jennifer, I need to talk to you” and he put his arms around me and went on “some of the parents and I have been talking and well…… (I’m thinking they are leaving!  And about to freak out!) Instead he says….. “we have all decided that you have gotten a little thick in the middle and your legs have lost their definition.  You really need to get back on an exercise program and lose a few pounds!”  So I’m looking at him thinking – did I just hear that.  Part of me wants to hit him…. the other part thinks, wow he loves me enough to tell me that…. So naturally I thanked him for telling me and went home and hit my husband for not telling me!  Jon also made sure that my eye brows and chin hairs were plucked.  He was like my personal groomer!  So in honor of you today Jon, I plucked……. Did I mention that Jon was one of a kind?

As I was getting ready for this day – I tried to remember everything about Jon.  It brought a lot of smiles thinking about how much he loved a well manicured lawn, how much he loved the aviation industry and of course his adoration for his family.  Back in January while Jon was in the hospital with pneumonia, he knew that this day would come sooner than he wished.  In fact, five years ago, when he was diagnosed with cancer, he called to tell me and the first thing I asked was how is Janette?  He said, “I haven’t told her yet”.  I said Why not Jon?  He said because I can’t bring myself to say the words because once they come out of my mouth her world will never be the same.  He also fretted about telling his parents, sisters and brothers and most of all his children.  Once you are diagnosed with Cancer, there is no turning back.  You have to change courses and fight.  And boy did he fight the good fight.  Even after the brain cancer was diagnosed last August, he was brave….and valiant.  As the cancer battled his body and mind, Jon fought to hold on to his pride.  Yes, he had moments when he was so sad that he couldn’t give Janette the forever he promised her – sad that he wouldn’t live to walk Abby down the aisle on her wedding day and sad that he wouldn’t be here to see Colin become a father.   But he finally realized that he would be there for all of those things, just in a different way.  He will have the best seat in the house looking down and watching over all of you. 

Going back to our visit in January – We talked about dying and what messages he wanted to say to his family.  He wanted to be sure that Abby, Colin and Janette heard these words:

For my darling daughter Abbey – Words cannot express how proud I am of you.  You are an over achiever just like your mother.  You are compassionate and kind – beautiful from the inside out.  A heart made of gold.  It gives me such comfort to know that you will achieve anything in life you set your mind too.  You are a strong yet gentle; brilliant but full of common sense and these qualities my precious girl will serve you well in life.  Abby, I remember when you called your daddy to tell him you had made Lieutenant for the drill team.  Do you remember that day?  Well what you didn’t see over the phone was your daddy literally jumping up and down – running all over the parking lot saying Abby just made officer!!  His hands were on his cheeks and he was crying tears of joy and pride.  I had never seen him so happy as he was in that moment!  You made him so proud……

For Colin – my amazing son – you are passionate and fiercely loyal like me.  Nothing would make me happier than to see you become a better father, husband and friend than I was.  Push yourself farther than you think you should…. Never settle for average.  Because you are anything but average.  You have so much talent.  While my health failed, you stepped up and became the man of the family and I couldn’t be more proud and grateful.  I know I am leaving your mom and sister in good hands.  Colin, do you remember when we clinched D1 last month – I think we all knew it would be your daddy’s last soccer game.  I cannot even begin to tell you how much joy you brought to him through the game of soccer.  He is and always will be your biggest fan and to see you and your team finally make it to D1 brought him so much happiness and peace.   I can promise you that he will be at every game in the best seat in the house. 

And now for Janette…… For my beautiful wife Janette…. From the moment I first laid eyes on you all those years ago…… you have been the love of my life.  I shake my head in disbelief that you are my wife because you are so incredible.  How on earth did I get so lucky?  You work harder than any person I know.  You love deeply and compassionately more than any person I know – you are the best mother hands down.  You simply amaze me.  You amaze me every single day with your fortitude and never wavering love.  I know I promised you that we would grow old together and I’m sorry that I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain… but I wouldn’t trade these 23 years for a single second.  After he said these words to me Janette – I sat there in silence and in awe.  Then he went on to say with a smile I had never seen before and a peace that only comes from true love– you know what….scratch all of that…. She is so much more than all of that…… She is my North, South, East and West….. She is my everything……..and then tears streamed down his cheeks……Jon really loved you in a one of a kind way….

As I wrap up today – Please know that it is ok to be sad that Jon isn’t with us physically any longer… but we should rejoice that he is in a much better place – waiting on all of us because I believe we will all be together again one day.  In honor of Jon – I challenge you all to do something in his memory – Go to a soccer game,  go to an air show, mow your lawn…. And love like there is no tomorrow.  Be one of a kind…. Just like Jon…

I told you earlier that Jon and I spoke every day… we would always end our calls with an “I love you”… He would always get the last word and say “ I love you more.. or I love you the most”.. I n ever got to have the last word….. Well today, I get the last word…. May you rest in peace my precious – one of a kind friend….. I love you the most!!!!!

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I can't wait to get to heaven....... because I know that I have an army of angels waiting for me!